Eyes on the Stars, Feet on the Ground
by almondJJ
Summary: Rachel and Finn didn't kiss at nationals. Finchel fic. 3 parts
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! Okay this is going to be three chapters. Maybe four. I haven't decided yet. But enjoy and feedback would be wonderful!**

**Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine! ;)**

Chapter 1:

Finn couldn't believe it. Nationals. He thought they did an awesome job. Everyone was so excited, and when they finally got their performance together Mr. Schue and the entire Glee club were pretty confident. Which made it all the more shocking when they found out they didn't make it into the top ten. The moment they found out, all standing in the hall with their outfits still on was.. painful to say the least. Everyone was choking back tears, and no one really spoke on the walk back to the hotel. Once they all got back on the plane though, things started to get better. "Twelfth out of fifty is great you guys, and I'm really proud. Plus we've still got all of next year!" Mr. Schue had told them, and everyone started to lighten up slowly. Finn could even hear people laughing softly around him as the plane took off back toward Lima. Everyone seemed alright, he thought to himself. Everyone except for him.

"_You wrote an amazing song, Finn." _ Rachel had said to him right before they went on stage. Rachel. His eyes shut at the thought of her name. He tried so hard. He tried so freaking hard for her. Their date was perfect. He _knew_ she had a good time. They went to the super expensive restaurant, he gave her flowers, and she met Patti whatever. Rachel had smiled and laughed the whole time and _still_ the night ended with her running off back to the hotel. Looking back at it now, maybe it was a good thing. If she didn't run off he would have never been able to write "Pretending". If she stayed with him and kissed him back, his song would probably have been .. well he probably wouldn't have been able to write a song at all.

Finn never guessed he'd be the one to write the song New Directions would perform, but really, after that night, it was pretty simple. He knew exactly how he was feeling, so the words flowed right out of his mind and onto paper. Of course he had to consult with Mr. Schue, and he even asked Mercedes to see if he spelled everything correctly, but after that it was a done deal. Him and Rachel would be performing "Pretending" in front of everyone. He hoped for a while that their duet would work magic like all their previous ones. That was until she said that there was _nothing_ that would change her mind. Finn felt one last wave of hope right at the end of their performance. The way she stared back into his eyes as she sang out the last word of the song spoke volumes. And he was ready. He was ready to tear down the walls and kiss her in front of hundreds of people - until she shut her eyes and turned away.

He was just completely defeated after that. Yeah, maybe they had lost the competition this year, but that's not the true loss that Finn felt. Losing Nationals was something that could be consoled. It was something his mind could deal with. His other loss, the loss of Rachel, was a disconnection of something much deeper.

So there he was sitting by himself in the back of the plane staring out at the clouds. Sam had offered to sit with him, but Finn told him it was okay - he should sit with the rest of the group. There was no need to spread his bad mood to the rest of his friends. Every so often he heard someone walk past him to go to the bathroom, but he never looked up to see who it was. He noticed that his ears were starting to hurt, and knew they were going to pop eventually from the elevation. Finn rubbed his hand across his forehead. _"Things are just going great for me, huh?"_ he thought to himself sarcastically.

"Are you okay?" he heard someone ask softly. He didn't have to look up to know that voice, that beautiful voice, but he raised his head anyway and found himself looking right into Rachel's concerned eyes. She stood there looking down at him, her fingers nervously playing with one of the sleeves of her shirt.

"Yeah I'm alright, my ears are just hurting from being this high in the air," Finn answered, clearing his throat. He knew she wasn't asking if he was physically okay, but this was the easiest answer for him to give right now.

"Oh, I.. I have," she started fishing through her purse and she pulled out a small brown paper bag. "Here," she handed him the bag, bit her lip slightly, and glanced away at the floor. "It's gum.. you mentioned your ears popping after we landed here three days ago, so I .. I picked this up for you at the store in the air port. I know it's supposed to help a little," she looked up into his eyes tenderly and smiled at him softly. "Feel better, Finn."

By the time he looked back up at her, she was already hurrying back to her seat in the front of the plane, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist. He sunk back down into his seat, stuck a piece of the gum in his mouth, and pressed his head against the cool glass window.

Arriving home took his mind off of things for a while. Burt and Carole had tons of questions for Finn and Kurt, and they decided to all go out to dinner and a movie to celebrate the boys being back. The couple even said that Finn and Kurt didn't have to go to the last day of school if they didn't want to. Kurt of course decided he didn't want to miss the last Glee club meeting of the year. Finn, on the other hand, was happy to stay home.

Late the next afternoon, Carole knocked lightly on the bedroom door, "Finn, sweetie," she said "I think you should start to unpack a little bit today. Do you want anything to eat?"

"No I'm okay." he answered, and picked his duffel bag up off the ground and placed it on the bed. The doorbell rang, and Carole turned and walked out to answer it. It was probably Blaine or someone to see Kurt, so Finn turned his attention to his suitcase.

Finn hated unpacking, but this time he was avoiding it for a reason. Usually he would just turn his bag upside down, and empty the contents onto the bed. This time, however, he knew more than just his clothes were going to come out of the bag. He took a deep breath, held up the suitcase, and let everything fall out. He picked up all the clothes at once, and threw them into his laundry basket, then sat down on the bed looking at what remained. He let his fingers run over the smooth covers of the brochures he collected from different colleges he snuck off to see during his stay in New York. He knew Mr. Schue said they weren't allowed to leave the hotel room, but Finn left anyway and he picked up information and applications from four schools.

Maybe people thought of Finn as a small town guy, but when he got to New York he was in awe. That city was full of life, and standing in Times Square, he could truly picture himself there. Not only that - he turned and saw Rachel's face as she stood there looking up at all the signs and lights, and he could picture the both of them there. Together.

As soon as he heard her say "I made it," he knew what he had to do. He would look all over that city to find a school he could get into. He wanted desperately to get out of Lima, and New York was the perfect place to find success. Plus Rachel would be there, and he could be there too. With her. He would go to all her shows, help her memorize her lines.. help her with _anything._ Be with her. They'd be out of Lima, and they'd be living a dream.

After he got back from collecting brochures, he took a stroll into the souvenir store in the hotel lobby. All the stuff was totally overpriced, but he found a small snow globe that had the New York skyline in it. He picked it up and brought it over the cash register to purchase. This way he could look at his new dream any time of the day.

All that seemed so far off now. He lost Nationals, and Rachel apparently wanted nothing to do with him.

He mind snapped back to reality as he heard a loud giggle coming from his brother's room. The doorbell apparently wasn't Blaine after all. Rachel was in his house hanging out with Kurt, and Finn was probably the last thing on her mind.

Is this how it was going to be all through senior year? He'd have to watch from afar as she smiled? As she laughed her adorable laugh, and sang with her angelic voice? No more touching her or kissing her? No more duets? No more Finn and Rachel.. Then they'll graduate and she'll leave. With his luck Jesse will come back, steal her away, and they'll live happily ever after in New York while Finn stayed in Lima miserable and alone. Who was he kidding? He never had a chance. He never would have actually made it to New York. Finn shook his head, and ran one of his hands through his hair. The thought alone was unbearable.

This was not enough for him. And this feeling of "not enough" was just too much. Suddenly overwhelmed with sadness, Finn choked back tears as he stood up and threw all the applications he collected into the garbage next to his bed. He rubbed his hand over his mouth, picked up the snow globe, shook it a little, and stared at it. He placed it gently on his night stand as the snow fell around the City. He slipped on some sneakers, turned out the light, and left the house.


	2. Chapter 2

**This was a hard chapter to write. Rachel is HARDDDD to write! Hope I did it convincingly! Enjoy and review! :)**

**Disclaimer: not mine not mine not mine. well, the story is but not the characters. **

Rachel taps her fingers impatiently on the cover of a magazine. She has started and given up reading the thing three times already. She glances over at Kurt and sees that his eyes are shut. "Yes," she thinks to herself; this is her chance. As quietly as she can, Rachel rises from her seat on the plane. Apparently she's not quiet enough.

"He's sitting by himself for a reason, Rachel." Kurt says dryly with his eyes still shut.

Rachel snaps her head back around and answers, "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. I'm simply going to the bathroom." She turns from him and continues walking, ignoring Kurt as he murmurs "Mhmmmm."

Okay so she doesn't have to go to the bathroom, but is that any of Kurt's business? Absolutely not. God, she just wants to see if Finn was okay. That is hardly a crime.

She lets out a sigh as she looks at her reflection in the plane's bathroom mirror.

Finn.

How she managed to walk away from him once was beyond her, but TWICE?

She loves him. She really does, and she was completely thrilled all through their date, but something happened when he leaned down to kiss her. She was excited and afraid all at the same time, but in the end her fear took over and she ran away leaving him with nothing but a quick apology.

Ever since, she's tried to wrap her mind around what happened. She told him it was because she wasn't going to let anything keep her from her dream. It wasn't a complete lie, but it wasn't the truth either. Deep down in her heart she _knew _that Finn would let her go. He was always clear about how much he believed in her, and that's why it hurt so bad. If she and Finn got back together, he would let her go when the time came. He wouldn't beg her to stay in Lima - he would want her to be in the city living a dream. But would she be able to let him go? God, if he only gave the city a chance he could be successful too. This was just too frustrating.

Then she wondered if she was getting ahead of herself. Would Finn and her even make it through senior year? Because she was pretty sure if she had to go through something similar to what happened this year.. well that just wasn't an option. Too much pain. If she actually kissed him would he see fireworks like he saw with Quinn? Would he see anything? There were just so many risks, and she was so insecure when it came to this. So she ran. Ran from him at the end of their date, and turned away from him after they sang Pretending.

She told Kurt she made up her mind after they sang on the stage of the Gershwin Theater. She said that her choice was already made and it was New York.

She lied. She wanted both.

So there she was staring at herself in the tiny mirror of an airplane. Finn had been sleeping when she passed by to slip in to the bathroom. A smile plays on her lips at the thought of him sleeping. He seemed okay, so maybe she should just slip past him again on her way out of the bathroom unnoticed and return to her seat.

She cracks the door open as quietly as she can, but she notices he's not sleeping any longer. She frowns as she notices him rubbing his head, and as though it was instinct she asks if he's okay.

She doesn't only want to know about his head.

Or his ears.

Somehow, after she hands him the gum she bought him, she breaks the force holding her to him, and turns around quickly.

It takes all her might not to sit next to him. It takes all her strength to walk back to the front of the plane.

But Kurt was right. He was back there by himself for a reason. To avoid the pain that she was causing him.

* * *

><p>Rachel was pretty sure she stood at the front door for fifteen minutes before she actually worked up the courage to ring the doorbell. "<em>Please don't open the door. Please don't open the door," <em>she whispers to herself. But really, some part of her wants Finn to be the one to open up the door. She breaths out a sigh, half of relief, half of disappointment, when she sees it's Carole who appears.

"Hey Rachel!" Carole says and gives her a quick hug. "I'm so sorry about nationals, but I heard you were fantastic as always."

"Thank you Mrs. Hummel," Rachel replies shyly "I'm quite positive we will have another shot next year. Kurt's upstairs?"

"Yes. He's very excited about the marathon you two are going to have. He was talking so fast I couldn't even understand him. What are you two going to watch?"

Rachel's face lights up. "Oh, well, since we just got back from New York we decided to watch the classic broadway movies. We'll probably start with 42nd Street or Gypsy, and then who knows!" She was probably talking just as fast as Kurt had.

Carole laughs, "Well okay, go on upstairs and get started."

"Thank you!" Rachel sings, and bounces upstairs, thankful that Kurt's room is the first on the left.

"Kurt?" Rachel says as she swings his door open. He's sitting at his vanity rubbing one of his thousands of facial products onto his skin.

"Hey Barbra," he replies, "let me just finish this, and I'll go down and get your crazy vegan snacks, and we can start!"

"Wait, before that I have something I want to show you," Rachel walks over to Kurt and he realizes what she has in her hand immediately: a stack of sheet music.

"No, no, no," Kurt shouts automatically. "School JUST ended this afternoon. I do not want to hear you talk for three hours about what songs you think we should do for Sectionals next year." Kurt then rose from his seat at his vanity, grabs the music out of Rachel's hand, and places it in his dresser drawer. "There. Now you wont even be able to look or think about it."

Rachel pouts for a second, and then squeals in surprise and Kurt takes her hand and spins her around. "We're going to eat weird vegan food and enjoy ourselves tonight, okay?" he looks at her with big Kurt eyes, and she lets out a loud genuine laugh.

"Fine. But we are certainly going to look at some of the selections I made tomorrow morning." Rachel gives in.

"I'll just ignore that last thing you said." Kurt claps his hands and skips out of the room.

Rachel rolls her eyes and sits down on Kurt's bed. She tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear, and looks out the window just in time to see Finn's car pull out of the driveway. Automatically, her head drops down and she shuts her eyes. Well, it was only a matter of time until her mind wandered back to him. What had it been, ten minutes? That was probably a record.

"Rachel!" she hears Kurt yell from downstairs. "Can you go in Finn's room and take the batteries out of his X-box controller? He always takes them from my remote."

Her eyes go wide, "N-No, Kurt-"

"I can't hear youuuu! Just do it, I'll be up in a minute." he answers, ignoring her again.

Rachel pushes herself off the bed and stomps her way down the hallway to Finn's room. Why couldn't Kurt find the batteries while shegot the snacks? She was supposed to be here hanging out with _Kurt_. Not thinking about Finn. Nonetheless, she pushes open his door, and her mood softens instantly as she inhales the scent of his room. She stands still for a moment, and then shakes her head as she remembers what she was there for. What did an X-box controller even look like? She picks a few odd things up and examines them, until she finds a small green controller resting on his nightstand. She moves to grab the controller, and that is when it catches her eye.

Rachel's lips part slightly at the sight of the snow globe resting next to the controller. She sinks down onto the edge of his bed, and picks it up, causing the snow to move slightly through the glass dome. Had Finn really bought a snow globe with the New York skyline in it?

She lifts her hand up to her chest to find her heart pounding, the other hand grazing over the bottom of the souvenir. It's impossible for her to focus on any of the ten million things running through her mind at this moment, and - god her heart is beating so damn fast. She's not going to cry, no she absolutely will not under any circumstances let herself cry. "_Put the thing down and go back to Kurt's room," _she tells herself, but as she launches off the bed she trips over the garbage can, knocking it over and causing papers to fall out all over the carpet.

"Oh!" she squeaks and crouches to the floor to gather the garbage. After all the papers are in a messy stack, she glances down at the shiny cover of what appears to be a brochure on the very top of the pile.

As soon as she sees the three letters she falls from the crouch so that she is fully sitting on the carpet. "NYU". She blinks her eyes a few times to make sure she's seeing it right, and then moves the brochure a little to see what's under it. "Marymount Manhattan," reads the second brochure cover in big white bold letters. Short of breath, her throat chokes up a bit, and she is begging herself not to lose her composure.

But the rest of the pile is the same. Brochures from schools in New York. In New York City.

When she reaches the end of the pile, one of her hands rises up to cover her mouth, and she lets her tears fall freely. Her eyes shut tightly, and she feels the warmth rolling down her face, and listens as the tears drop down onto the papers in her hand. She brings the pile of brochures up to her chest and hugs them tightly before she opens her eyes again.

She tries to catch her breath.

Why.. why were all these brochures here? Deep down she thinks she knows the truth, but she needs some answers. She needs to see him.

Before she can stop herself she's practically running out the door, clutching all of the papers in one hand. She passes Kurt, nearly knocking a bowl of popcorn out of his hand. She zips past Carole before she has a chance to say anything, opens the front door, and leaves the house.


End file.
